The Humorous Adventures of Will Treaty
by SilkBourne
Summary: Just some humor filled stories. First chapter. Rated T for language. Please R/R and tell me if I should continue. I hope you all like it!
1. Dungeon Humor

"Will?"

Silence.

"Will? Are you awake?"

A sigh. "Yes, Horace. I'm awake. I have no bloody choice, do I?"

"Technically, you do."

"Oh, shut up."

"You could be a bit more cheerful. . . I mean it's not _that_ bad. . ."

"Not bad, huh? Well, let's review our time so far, shall we? We've been out for weeks on a simple escort, when we're attacked by those damn bandits, captured, put in their bloody dungeon, chained to a wall, without a single splinter for weaponry, or a cloth on our backs, and you're telling me it's not _that_ bad!"

"Alright, I got it! There's no need to shout, Will. I mean, it could be worse. . ."

"Really? What could possibly be worse that this?"

"Well, they could be torturing us, or we could be dead! Or Halt could be here to reprimand us for this whole bloody mess. . ."

A moment's silence.

"Alright. Fine, you got me. The last part actually convinced me."

"Really? I thought at least the part where we could be _dead_, didn't sit right with you. It definitely doesn't for me. . ."

"Have you ever been the topic of Halt's rants?"

"Well, no. At least not that I remember at the moment."

"Exactly. I mean, he was annoyed just because I played my old mandola during my apprenticeship. . . Gave me a whole speech about the 'damned' thing. Said it was an infernal instrument, and the most annoying, most repulsive thing he'd ever heard. . ."

"But. . . I thought _he_ bought it for you."

"Exactly my point! A good reason why he's not here at the moment."

"But. . . wouldn't he get us out of here?" ". . ."

"Will? Will! Are you going to answer me?"

"You know, I find myself annoyed by your presence. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go back to sleep now. . ."

"You weren't even asleep before! You didn't even have your eyes closed!"

"Ah, Horace! That's one thing I learned from Halt. . . or maybe Gilan. Well, anyway, they taught me to sleep with my eyes open. . ."

". . . Will. . ."

"Hmm?"

"That is a damn lie, and you well know it!"

"I'm offended Horace! I can't believe you would think I would even lie about something like that!"

"Will, first of all, it's impossible. Second of all, it's impossible. And, third of all, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"

"Oh, hardly Horace. It's actually quite simple. See, you just keep your eyes open for awhile. . ."

"Will! I don't need to know! Besides, it's pitch black in here! I can't even see my bloody hand!"

"Oh. . . Was that why you were clutching onto my arm like a woman giving birth?"

"I was not! I swear Will, when we get out of here. . ."

"_If_ we get out of here. Remember, we're still chained up."

"Oh, yes. Thank you O Wise One. I would have never figured that due to the fact that my wrists are losing feeling because of these death-grip chains."

"No trouble. Just trying to keep the mood light."

"You know, _when_ we do get out of here, I'm going to take a lesson from Halt, and throw you into a bloody moat. . ."

"If you can catch me, Horace. Remember, back at the Ward?"

"Ah, yes. The good ol' days. . ."

"The good days? I seem to remember a LOT of fights, and bloody noses in the good ol' days. . ."

"Hmm. . . Yes. Most caused by me."

"Ah, yes. Who do you think won most of those fights, do you reckon. . .?"

"Will, it's fairly obvious, seeing who's the taller one here."

"Don't you mean broader?"

"Very funny. You're a cheeky little Ranger, aren't you?"

"Cheeky, yes. A Ranger, yes. Little, no."

"I don't ever recall you being taller than Tug. . . Maybe by a few inches."

"If we weren't chained up right now, in a dark, dank cell, I would be giving you one of Halt's famous death glares."

"Ah yes. . . Those always make you feel uneasy. I remember it well. . ."

A snort. "You should. At least you weren't his apprentice."

"Give him some credit, Will! You wouldn't be who you are today without him."

"I know, Horace. Believe me, I have nothing against Halt. I've looked up to him for years. . . even though he's so bloody grumpy. I remember when I was 15, I wondered if he had ever smiled. . . But, he does apparently. It's quite better than feeling his glares. . ."

"I seem to recall you'd gotten those quite a lot."

"Quite is a bit of an understatement."

"Oh, you know he loves you. . ."

"Oh, please Horace. . . Don't make me blush."

"Alright, alright. Well, back to our. . . predicament. How do you propose we get out of here?"

"No idea."

Silence.

"No idea? You've been Halt's apprentice for, what, five years? You know, Halt? The most famous Ranger in all of Araluen? The man who's known to be eight feet tall, and kills bears with his bare hands, Halt? Ring any bells for you, Will?"

"Yes, Horace. I know who you're talking about!"

"Well, he's taught you! Think like Halt. What would he do?"

"Well. . ."

"Oh good! You're thinking!"

"First of all, he wouldn't get himself stuck in this mess in the first place!"

A sigh. "You were so close. . ."

"You're the one to talk. . . you're the one who got us into this mess in the first place!"

"What? I did not!"

"Yes, if I recall, we were in perfect hiding, and they had managed to cross paths. They were about to leave, when someone just had to sneeze!"

"I covered it up! Besides, it wasn't _that_ loud. . ."

"Ha! Don't make me laugh. You might as well have asked some idiot to blow a trumpet! Or ask an elephant. . ."

"Would you quit with the elephant! Ever since I sneezed under that cart, in Norgate. . ."

"It sounded just like one, Horace."

"It did not! You don't even know what a bloody elephant sounds like!"

"I don't need to. I have one with me. You're simply in denial."

"Once again, taking one of Halt's lessons of throwing you into a moat sounds like heaven right now. . ."

"That is, _if_ we get out of here. . ."

". . ."

"Oh, finally! Silence!"

"Yes. . . I'll throw you into a moat. Ah, best action I will ever do in my life. . ."

"Shut up. . .

* * *

><p><strong>Sooo... What do you think? I'm hoping this is even considered humor... Well, anyway thank you so much for reading, and I hope I made you at least smile. :) Btw, I LOVE Halt! I love to tease him in any story that I create. He's just so... I don't know... teaseable?<strong> **I don't even think that's a word... Oh well! Enough of my rambling! Please read an review, and tell me if I should continue with this! Thank you once again! **

**- SilkBourne **


	2. GILAN!

_Snore._

"Ugh. Horace, you big lug, wake up!"

_Sn0re._

"Horace... The bandits are coming!"

_SnoOre._

A sigh. "You leave me no choice... Horace, quick! Cassandra's been captured..."

"Huh-? Wha-? Where-?"

"Oh finally! Enough of that infernal noise..."

"Will! Are you-? Ugh, damn you!"

"Oh, lighten up, Horace. We've been in here for, what, 6 days?"

"Seven."

"Oh. Well, a week then, and I'm bloody bored! There's nothing to do in this hellhole..."

"Except whine and argue all day, which we have been doing, said the cheeky little Ranger."

"What did I tell you? Cheeky, yes. A Ranger, yes. Little, no. I'd prefer... fun size."

A raised eyebrow, "Fun sized?"

"Yes. It sums me up quite nicely, don't you think?"

"Oh, yes. Indeed. Will Treaty, hero of Araluen, a legend in the making, also known as the _fun sized _Ranger..."

". . . I hate you."

"No, you don't. You secretly love me, somewhere in that heartless heart, of yours."

"Heartless heart? How can you have a heartless heart? I don't think that's logically possible, Horace. Your heart _can't _be _heartless,_ can it? I mean-"

"Will, just drop it!"

"Well, fine Sir Sneeze-a-lot."

"Will-!"

"Oh, you know I'm only teasing you! Give me a break! I'm not used to all this... boredom."

"Boredom? This is what you call all _this? Boredom?"_

"Yes. Why?"

"Never mind."

Silence.

"Damn this silence, and damn the bastards who put us here!"

"Will, will you calm down! It's something you have to get used to is all. I mean, we can't all be a talkative bee such as yourself."

"A talkative bee?"

"Yes..."

"Did you just call me, a talkative bee?"

"Oh no... I called you a knockative knee..."

"I'm amazed you haven't done any poetry, Horace."

"Shut up. It's better than Sir Sneeze-a-lot..."

"That's a classic. For future generations! There is no possible way, that a talkative _bee, _is better than _that!"_

"So, instead of the Oakleaf Knight, I'll be known as Sir Sneeze-a-lot?"

"Or, _Kurokuma."_

"Very funny. At least mine wasn't _Chocho..."_

A glare. "Indeed... You in a moat looks absolutely splendid."

"Ahh... See? Halt is a genius!"

"Mhmm... And, your point is?"

"Does there have to be a point for me to state the god given fact that Halt, _is a genius."_

"I suppose I can agree with you... I miss him already... You think someone will find us?"

"Well, with the great Will Treaty, and the dashing Oakleaf Knight missing, I'm sure Duncan, or at _least _Halt will notice our absence."

"So, I get great, and you get dashing... It doesn't fit, Horace."

"I beg to differ, Will. It's actually quite fitting, and besides... I like the word."

"Oh, well splendid! We learned something new today, folks! The Oakleaf Knight likes the word 'dashing!'"

"Shut up, Will. I was simply stating a fact."

"The fact that you are dashing, isn't a fact, Horace. It's an opinion."

"Of myself?"

"No, of that lovely rock over there- Of course you, you idiot!"

"Shut up, Will. Once again, you've proven to be a cheeky litt-"

"If you finish that sentence Horace, I will break these damn chains, and strangle you myself!"

". . . Who would've known? The _fun sized _Ranger has anger issues..."

". . . I hate you."

A smile. "Hate is such a strong word, don't you think? I like strongly dislike, Will. It's more... polite."

"Well, excuse my manners. Fine. I _strongly dislike you. _Is that better?"

"Yes. Yes, it is."

A sigh. "Horace, I believe we're going mad. Insane. In the loony-bin."

"No, we're not Will. We're just a bit... preoccupied with this new situation..."

"Preoccupied? With what?"

"I don't know. Sleeping, talking, eating what little food we're given..."

". . ."

"Will?"

"Yes?"

"Well, it's just... you didn't answer me..."

"No. I didn't. I'm so glad you noticed. Quite frankly, I've given up with this whole conversation..."

"Oh... well... alright then."

"Thank you. Maybe we should get some sleep."

"We were just sleeping 10 minutes ago."

"Technically, it was 12. But, who's counting? Anyway, _you _fell asleep. _I,_ on the other hand, had to listen to your blasted snoring. It's worse than your sneezing, mind you. It's more like an elephant symphony... and it just continues on and on..."

"Will, if I hear anything about elephant coming out of your mouth, I swear-"

"Shh..."

"What? What is it?"

"Well, if you keep your mouth closed, maybe I could tell you!"

Silence.

"I still don't hear anything."

A sigh. "Honestly, how have you ever survived this long?"

"I spent too much time with you and Halt."

"Hmm... True. True."

"Well, are you going to tell me what the sound was?"

"Footsteps. Very light. It's not one of our cronies, anyway."

"You're sure?"

A scoff. "Of course I'm sure, Horace! How could you ever doubt me?"

"Maybe it's because-"

"Don't answer that."

"Fine."

Silence.

"Well, are whoever they are, coming down here?"

"Not sure. Wait... Ah yes... their heading towards our cell. How wonderful!"

"I pray that was sarcasm..."

"Of course it was! I don't think their a threat though..."

"You don't think?"

"Well, it's possible the bandits recruited someone new, and told him to come down here and dispose of us..."

"Why are you so negative? Why can't you think more on the 'up' side, if you know what I mean...?"

"What? You want me to think of rainbows, and pink clouds, with fairies flying through the sky, and-?"

"Alright! That's_ too_ positive!"

"Exactly what I thought."

"Gilan?"

"Yes, Horace. It's me." He said in a cheerful tone.

* * *

><p><strong>AHH! It's GILAN! :D I LOVE GILAN! HE'S FREAKING AWESOME! Haha, well I hope this story is keeping you entertained. I'll post more chapters soon. Thank you so much for the RR! :) **

**- SilkBourne**


	3. Escape With Mr Sarcasm

"Gilan?"

"Yes, Will. I thought I just cleared this up with Horace."

"I was just surprised is all... Which reminds me... What are you doing here? How the devil did you find us?"

"Oh, well, I heard you two were missing. Halt's been worried, but otherwise still has his grumpy nature intact. I went searching for you two about a week ago. Took a damn long time to find you, but I found this little place, and I heard a sneeze... or was it an elephant?"

A snicker. "I told you it sounded like an elephant..."

"Shut up, Will."

"Wait- That-That was you, Horace?"

"Yes, Gil. It was me. And, if you say one word, so help me-!"

Laughter. "Are you saying, that-that was you?"

A glare. "Are you daft? I just said it was! What is wrong with you Rangers? Always picking on us poor, deprived people..."

"Oh, calm down Horace. We're just teasing. It's one of the things we do best."

A sigh. "I'm not denying that fact, Will... Gilan! Will you stop making that awful sound, and get us out of these damn chains! We're not exactly in the most comfortable position..."

"*Chuckle* Alright... *Snort* Calm down, Horace. *Grin* You have to admit, it was funny."

"Stupid Rangers, and their stupid antics..."

"Gil, do you even have the keys?"

"Actually, yes, I do, Will. How could you ever doubt me?"

"Well, will you do the honors?"

"Of course. Couldn't think of a better assumption."

"Do you even know what assumption means?"

"I'm offended, Horace! Of course I do. My vocabulary isn't that bad. Maybe I should just leave you two here..."

"Wait! I haven't done anything to you Gilan! I will not be stuck with Sir Sneeze-a-lot any longer. Trust me, this week has been disastrous."

"You are so dramatic, Will."

"Gilan, if I say please, will you get us out of these chains, and out of this cell, and into the nice beautiful sunshine, so we can just get this over with!"

"Of course."

"Then, please."

"Please, what?"

"Gil-!"

"Will, you're just saying please. You can't possibly assume that I know what you're asking me."

"Fine. Please unlock these chains, get us out of here, get us weapons, and some clothes on our backs..."

"Alright. I got it." Walking up to them, Gilan took the keys, and unlocked the chains that held his two companions hostage. "There. See? That wasn't so bad..."

"You weren't stuck here for a week..."

"Yes. I can tell, Horace. You both smell something awful."

"Well, we were chained to these walls for quite some time..." Stretching his arms, and muscles, Will groaned. "I don't think I've ever been so sore in my life..."

"Not even under Halt's training?" A raised eyebrow.

". . . I believe that would be the exception, Gil. Especially after he made me sleep in a tree..."

"Halt made you sleep in a tree?"

"Long story. One that will be saved for another time."

"Fine. Well, let's get you two out of here, and give you a bath..."

"A bath sounds lovely."

"Or a moat..."

"Will!"

"A moat?"

"Yes, Gil, a moat."

"Will, what on earth does this have to with a moat?"

"Once again, it's a long story. And, once again, it will be save for another time."

"If you say so. Well, come on you two. I did some snooping before I came down here, and I think I know where you can find some decent clothes..."

"We just need shirts, Gil. A tunic. Even a damn blanket would be nice right now."

"Alright, alright. Here. Will this do?"

". . . Gilan. . ."

"Yes, Horace?"

"These are women's clothing!"

"Oh, really? They are? Hmm... I didn't notice..."

"Gil, I'm with Horace on this one. I am NOT wearing women's clothing. I need to leave this place with what little dignity I have, and doing _this _will definitely not accomplish that."

"Agreed."

"Now, would you look at that! I helped you two agree on something! Give me credit! Besides, it's all I could find..."

"That's a lie, Gil. And you damn well know it."

"Calm down, Horace. I believe Will is doing it. Follow your fellow Ranger's example."

"Will... Are you serious?"

"Sadly, and unfortunately, yes I am, dear Horace." A sigh.

"I thought you said that you would NOT wear... this..."

"Well, we have no choice do we? Unless of course, you'd like to greet Cassandra half-naked..."

"Give me the shirt, Gil!"

A nod. "Indeed. Here you are Horace."

"Thank you... I think."

"It's no trouble, old boy. Now come on. Let's get you two out of here."

* * *

><p>After a few minutes of arguing, and an occasional sarcastic remark from Gilan himself, the trio finally managed to get out of the 'hellhole' that Will referred their imprisonment as. Before leaving however, both Will and Horace grabbed their weapons, and Will, his silver oakleaf, soon meeting Gilan by his horse, Blaze.<p>

No trouble had pursued them, to Will and Horace's surprise, but Gilan soon explained with a large, evil grin plastered to his face:

"Oh, don't worry boys. I took care of your... kidnappers, I believe the term would be called. Or would it be adultnappers? Possibly, Ranger and knightnapper?"

"We get it, Gil. But, it doesn't explain what you did _to _them..."

"It's probably best you keep your minds as innocent and carefree as possible, Will. Don't worry about it. We're done with them."

"Exactly why I'm worried." Will muttered.

A chuckle. "Are you really that scared of me?"

"Never scared, Gil. Only... anxious." said Horace.

"Well, if you want to know that badly..."

"It would be... nice to know..."

"It would, wouldn't it, Horace. Alright, then! So, when I heard that awful elephant noise, my sword in hand, I..."

* * *

><p><strong>Haha, oh Gilan... Well, anyway everyone, I just wanted to say thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews and support! :D<strong>

**But, before I sign off, getting ready to write the next chapter, I just wanted to clear some things up. **

**Well, one, the reason why I used the word 'bloody' so much is because JF is Australian, and I thought that since these are his characters, I could imagine all of the RA characters saying the word, 'bloody.' But, I could be wrong, and that's what the British say. :P Sorry, I get my accents confused a LOT, and I apologize if my over using _that _term, bothered you. In this chapter, however, I'm pretty sure I didn't use the word at all.** **Once again,** **I apologize if I did. :)**

**Second, the OOCness... Haha, I'm not sure if it's possible for someone to write 'humor' and the characters are completely 'in character.' With the exception of John Flanagan himself, and of course some brilliantly, talented people. ;)** **I, once again, apologize if this bothered you. **

**I believe that is it. Thank you so much for the reviews and wonderful comments! I am doing my very best to improve ****writing so it is more enjoyable and entertaining to you! Thank you for reading, and I hope you like, possible even love this chapter, since it has Gilan in it... ;) ANY story with Gilan has to be awesome, and of course Halt. Haha well, sorry for this being so long, so I'll be done now.**

**- SilkBourne**


	4. Back At Redmont

_Meanwhile, back in Redmont:_

"Halt, dear, you should really stop pacing so much. You'll wear a rut in the floor."

A sigh, "I'm sorry Pauline. But, I can't help it. Where the blazes are those two? They've been gone for weeks!"

"It's all part of the job, Halt. You know that."

"Yes, yes. But, all the same! Every times they're gone longer than usual, they have some sort of mass invasion on their hands, or a cavalry chasing them, or some damned bandits capturing them...!"

"Halt, it's a simple escort. I doubt even Will could get into that much trouble. Now, why don't you sit down and calm yourself. I'll make you some tea..."

"I would prefer coffee."

A smile. "I figured you would say that." Pauline stood up from the large sofa she had been lounging on, and gracefully walked to their shared kitchen to make a pot of her husband's preferred beverage.

Halt sat, but rather moodily. After a few minutes, he became restless again, and soon stood up from the sofa, and began to pace again.

He began to grumble to himself, glaring at the floor as he paced. "Damn young people, and their idiotic antics, to make their superiors so restless! And, dammit Will, if you don't come back her in the next few days, I'll find you, find the nearest moat I can, and chuck you into it myself. And that means you too, Horace!"

The grumbling continued, until the smell of fresh coffee fill the air, and his dark eyes brightened a bit. Pauline came in with two steaming mugs, and he took one gratefully, but only after he promised to stay seated. He reluctantly agreed, but was given the warm drink, and husband and wife sat comfortably.

"I'm surprised there's still no rut in on the floor." said Pauline, smiling slightly.

She was rewarded a weak smile from Halt, who simply nodded.

"I'm getting too old for this."

A smile. "You still look the same to me, dear. Just with more gray hairs."

A shake of the head at the teasing tone. "What happened to still looking the same?"

"You've always had gray hairs dear, so you technically still look the same."

A raised eyebrow. "I haven't been old all my life, Pauline. Surely, you know that?"

A laugh. "Of course I do. You're still the handsome young man I met all those years ago."

"Young man? I recall you saying I've always had gray hairs. Old people do have gray hairs, and loathe am I to admit it, but I am... older now."

"Halt, you were a young man with gray hairs. You don't have to be old to get gray hair. I recall my sister finding one at the age of 17." A smirk, "But, that may have been because of me, and my mischief as a child."

Silence.

Halt had an eyebrow raised. "You? In mischief? What is the world coming to? Is Horace going to start eating bird sized meals, and Will actually not going to ask countless questions?"

A laugh. Pauline kissed him on the cheek. "Perhaps, in your own world dear. The world of Impossibilities."

"Impossibilities my foot." Halt grumbled, "When Will stops asking questions, is when I will retire from being a Ranger."

Another laugh. "When Will stops asking questions is the day he'll pass it on to his future children."

"What a day that will be."

"Indeed." A frown. "Are you still worried?"

A sigh. "Only slightly. I sent Gilan a message. He should be scouting for any trouble, or even looking for them, if I know him well enough."

"Which you do."

"Indeed. Which is why if all three of them are not back in one piece, I'm going after them. And, when I do find them..." He left the sentence hanging.

"They'll be fine. If anything is wrong, Gilan will find them."

"Damn apprentices." Halt grumbled again. He looked at his wife, "I bet there's more gray hairs in my head now, from this ordeal."

"Nope, none I can see, except the ones you already have."

"Exactly! They're getting grayer! They might even turn silver, or worse..."

"Halt, you're not getting grayer. Stop overreacting."

"Pauline, just wait. In a few more years, my hair will be... white..." A grimace, "And, Will will soon be singing and playing that damn lute of his, and will change that blasted song from, 'Graybeard Halt,' to 'Whitebeard Halt!'"

"Oh hush. There's no whites yet."

"Yet."

A sigh. "What in the world am I going to do with you?"

"At the time being my dear, you could pour me another mug of coffee."

Pauline rolled her eyes. "As if you need anymore. Halt, don't you ever wonder by drinking too much of this, it could be bad for your health?"

"Nonsense. Coffee could never be bad for my health. It's life, Pauline. You need it sustain yourself. Besides, the taste is absolutely wonderful."

A shake of the head. "Your passion for this drink flatters me, Halt."

"I'm glad, dear."

"I'm not surprised, and I mean this in the nicest way possible Halt, but I believe this is why you are more... miniscule than most men."

A raised eyebrow. "Enlighten me."

"Gladly. Well, dear, it has been proven that from a few tests, that coffee is known to stunt growth, making you shorter that the height you could have reached if you had not been drinking the beverage."

Silence.

"Pauline?"

"Yes, Halt?"

"I'm not going to stop my coffee habits, dear." He kissed her on the cheek, and smirked. "In fact, I'll be doing quite the opposite."

She sighed. "It was worth a try. But I honestly didn't know what else could make you stop... Your height has always... irritated you. I thought I could give it a go." She smiled ruefully.

"I may not be the eight foot tall Ranger, that killed a bear with my bare hands, but quite frankly, I need coffee." He paused, "I need it as much as I need you."

It was one of the sweetest things she had ever heard coming from his mouth, as she kissed him soundly.

* * *

><p><strong>DAWWWW! :D Haha sorry. This one was more fluffy than my other chapters. It's so hard to write about Halt, without making him OOC. It drives me crazy! D: I hope I did a good job on this one, and depicted Halt well. I just LOVE him and Pauline. 3 They're so cute together, and their just... Ahh! :)<strong>

** Haha well, anyway sorry it took so long to post. I've been really busy lately, and both of my parents have been sick for the past week so it's been a bit hectic. I'm staying at my grandparent's house, so I think you guys will understand... I hope that made sense... Well, anyway****, thank you so much for all the reviews! You guys all made my day! :D Please read this one and tell me what you think! It would be gratefully appreciated! **

**-SilkBourne **

**P.S. : I'll try and post the next chapter up as soon as I can. If you guys have any ideas, let me know! Thank you, once again! :)**


	5. Reluctant Departure

_"It would, wouldn't it Horace. Alright, then! So, when I heard that awful elephant noise, my sword in hand, I..."_

* * *

><p>"... looked to see where it was coming from. I thought that, from how loud it was, some explosion occurred, or a huge battle had broken out-"<p>

A sniff. "You offend me, Gil! It wasn't _that _loud, for god's sake!"

A shake of the head, "Oh yes it was, Horace. I'm sure Will can agree with me. After all, he was right next to you. That sneeze must've felt like an explosion in his ears!"

A snicker. "Indeed it was. I actually felt the wind go through my hair, after it!"

"Shut up, Will. You two are over exaggerating! It was not that loud! I repeat: It. Was. Not. That. Loud."

"We're not animals, Horace. There's no need. For you. To. Speak. Like. This."

A grumble. "Damn Rangers. I see why Halt gets so annoyed with you now! You're unbelievable!"

A smile. "Calm down, Horace. We should let Gil continue wit his story. It was getting to the good part..."

"He barely started it!"

"I'm just a very gifted storyteller. Will believes it. So should you."

"More like a gifted embellisher."

"Excuse me?" A raised eyebrow.

"Hmm? Oh nothing. Nothing. Please continue, Mr. Embellisher. I would love to hear this sad, tragic tale of the Ranger and the Knight who were rescued by Mr. Sarcasm because of the said knight's elephant sneezing..."

"Hush, Horace. You're ruining my story. Now, as I was saying, your sneeze was just unbearably loud. I went down into the dungeon doors of the abandoned castle, and like I said, my sword was in hand, so I was ready for any trouble that came my way. As I descended down the stairs, my feet silent as the grave, I heard voices coming up. So, being the incredible unseen mover that I am, I stood still, and braced myself. But, instead of fighting them with a sword, or even my knives, I had found some awful smelling stuff by me. It turned out to be some sort of horse manure, before I had come down and saved you two."

"Gilan... Where did you find this manure?"

"On the ground. Loads of it, too. Why do you ask, Will?"

"Are you saying that you picked up horse dung with your bare hands?"

"I detect disgust in your tone. Well, come now, Will! I have some dignity. I didn't use my hands... I dipped my arrows with the stuff..."

"Whoa! Wait! Back up a pace! You're telling me... that you shot our kidnappers with a manure dipped arrow?"

A bark of laughter. "Genius, Gil. Absolute genius!"

A smile. "Glad you think so, Horace. But, yes I did Will. It's more than they deserved. Besides, they're dead, now. They would smell anyway."

"And, if they survived?"

"Oh, they'd probably die of infection, or the rotten smell." Gilan shrugged, but a cruel smile was etched on his face.

"You're damn devious, you know that?"

"Who do you think taught me? Of course I'd be, Will!"

"Whatever. I want to know where you found our clothing? And, if there really was just... feminine options."

A laugh. "Alright. Well, like you two pointed out, I shot your kidnappers with manure dipped arrows. Don't ask me how it got in there, right next to me. I don't know. A stroke of luck most likely. But, the way I found your garments? They were in a storage room, in the dungeon. Your kidnappers were probably thieves, and robbers, too. I saw plenty of nice, male clothing. But, I thought I'd have a little fun..."

"Of course, you would." said Will drily.

A smile. "Well, we got to have some laughs about this when we tell everyone what happened. I have to say, the kidnapping of the famous Will Treaty, and the Oakleaf Knight did not go unnoticed. Of course, no one knew what happened, which is why we'll be reporting to the Baron."

"I just want to get home."

"Ah, don't we all, Horace? By the way, I have message for both of you. Your two lady friends told me to give it you, when I found you. Who wants to go first?"

Will and Horace exchanged glances, then they both pointed at the opposite ends, and said at the same time, "He does!"

A raised eyebrow. "I'll just tell you what they generally said. Well, lovely Alyss, and charming Cassandra said: When you two get back home, first they're going to kill you. Next, they'll bring you back from the dead, then kill you all over again, and you'll have to live without coffee for a month..."

"WHAT?"

"Yes, quite sad isn't it? You're going to have to die twice..."

"What? I wasn't talking about dying Gil. I meant the coffee! No coffee for a month! Why, it's preposterous! It's betrayal! It's-"

"A way of saying they're really worried about you. Hmm, you should hear Halt's. Poor Pauline. Having to listen to it all day..."

"I suppose that's one way of putting it." said Will, "But, still... I am NOT going without coffee for a month. It's impossible. I'd actually rather face my dear Alyss' well deserved wrath instead of that."

"That's something you don't hear everyday." Horace muttered.

A glare. "Just wait. You'll be facing Ev- Cassandra's wrath, as well as Alyss'. Vice versa. Damn. We'll be handling TWO angry, very powerful women, Horace."

"You think we should make a run for it?"

"Are you kidding?" asked Gilan, eyebrow raised. "You two have faced a mad wild boar, Wargals, Skandians, Temujai, Genovesans, Arridi, Morgorath, and death itself! And, you can't even face your own wives!"

. . .

"He's got a point there, Horace. Not to mention the Senshi Warriors we faced in Nihon Ja. And, these bandits."

"Shut up, Will. I know he's got a point. But, Gilan... You don't understand... Wives... Women in general... they're much scarier than... that lovely list you just voiced."

Will nodded in agreement. "He's right you know. Wait until you ask Jenny, and you worry her to the point of insanity... It's not a pretty sight."

"Point taken. But, still... you should have some kind of courage to face them. Then after that, you'll have to face Halt's, and even Pauline's..."

Will and Horace's eyes widened hugely. "Halt?" Will croaked weakly.

"_And _Pauline... Hmm... Maybe you two should make a run for it..."

"I think that might only make things worse..."

"Maybe. Well, you two only have a few minute to decide."

"Why?"

"Well, young Will, because we're nearing Redmont right now."

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><p><strong>Well, here you go! The next chapter about this interesting trio! :) Haha, poor Will and Horace. I'll have to see how I'm going to make their wives react, because quite frankly, I'm not really sure how to write a woman's wrath, even though I am a female... Hmm... This shall be interesting. <strong>

**I have to say I'm proud of myself, because I just finished the next chapter the day after my previous chapter! Whohoo! :D Haha, I hope that made sense. Well, anyway, I have some news:**

**First and foremost, I made an account on Fiction Press. :D I'm so excited! So, I'll be working on this really cool fantasy idea I've had. My username? Is it called that? Well, whatever. It's Draconis X. So, when I finally get my story posted on there, and you guys like my writing, pretty please go on Fiction Press, and read it! It would mean so much to me if you did! :D **

**Second, the next chapter will be posted in due time. ****Which is ****hopefully soon. ;) Anyway, once again thank you so much for the reviews! I really appreciate it, and thank you for all the readers that have stayed with this so far. This is, I think my most successful story so far, and I'm glad my humor is even considered humor. :P**

**Haha. Well, anyway, I'll stop depriving you of your time. Thanks again! Tell me what you like of this chapter so far!**

**-SilkBourne**


	6. Old Men, Humiliation, and Good News

**Hey ****everyone! I am SO sorry for the delay! I've been so busy lately, what with school and sports, and such. But, I am here now! :) I hope you all like this chapter, and I will hopefully be posting the next one soon! :D**

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><p><em>Back in Redmont: <em>

"Oh, where the hell is he?"

"Do you really think that's a language suiting of a lady? Especially a Courier..."

"Crowley, I am really not in the mood for this."

A smile. "So, sorry Alyss. I'm only doing a simple duty as an elder..."

A snort. "You? An elder? Crowley, you're more of a child than I am!"

Crowley feigned offense, "I'm insulted Alyss! Why, I'm the Corps Commandant for god's sake!"

A raised eyebrow, "And? What difference does that make?"

"Halt, stay out of this. I don't recall you ever being in this conversation Mr. Sunshine."

Halt barely refrained from rolling his eyes, "You'll never grow up, will you?"

Alyss smiled, "See? What did I tell you Mr. Corps Commandant?"

A sniff. "I will not take anymore insults, thank you very much. Now, why you two are worrying over Mr. Treaty, and Mr. Altman, who are being rescued by Gilan right at this moment, I am going to gather up what little dignity I have left while making a pot of coffee."

"A cup, please."

Crowley glared. "And, why Halt, would you think that I would even think of giving you some after insulting your Commandant?"

Halt stared evenly at him, "Because that blasted Commandant happens to be, do I dare even admit, my good friend as well. And, he will make it, or other wise I could tell our young lady friend here some fairly amusing stories of your humiliating life..."

A sigh. "Fine. You'll get one. But only a little."

"I'm getting the whole damn pot!"

"Then, I'll tamper with it."

"Then, I will simply make a better tasting batch. One with more flavor and better than that awful concoction you made before..."

"Halt, must you always bring that up? It was years ago!"

"Really? I was recalling it some days back."

Crowley glared at him. "You really are something, you know that?" He said, walking towards the small kitchen in Will and Alyss' cabin.

Alyss shook her head, "You two would make wonderful politicians."

Halt smiled one of his rare smiles. "Oh, I wouldn't say that Alyss."

"Why ever not?"

"Because, you would forever regret the day if Crowley and I had become politicians. We'd be in war with half the countries we have peace treaties with. No. I'll leave that to you, and all the other lovely couriers."

A nod, "That does sound like you two." She smiled, shaking her head, "What on earth am I going to do with you Rangers around? I'm not sure if I should even be worried or not..."

Halt laid a gentle hand on her arm, "They'll be fine, Alyss. I'm sure Gilan has already rescued those two blubbering buffoons."

A small smile was rewarded to the older man. "I would have said blubbering idiots, but buffoon works too."

A laugh from the kitchen, "Idiots would definitely serve those two whippersnappers. Worrying us all into a panic attack. I wonder..."

"Don't even think about it." said Halt.

"Think about what?" asked Crowley, his tone amused.

"That's it. Just don't think. I don't want you to process a thought through that over large head of yours."

"Insulted, Halt. Absolutely insulted. Offended. Hurt to the core."

Alyss rolled her eyes, smiling nonetheless, "I doubt even if Halt shot you with an arrow, Crowley, you would not have been hurt..."

Halt snorted.

"Alyss. Dear, dear, Alyss. If Mr. Sourpuss shot me with an arrow, quite frankly, I might be dead. So, there obviously wouldn't be any pain..."

"Hmm... True. But, he could just shoot you in the calf. Will told me once that that particular wound is extremely painful."

"It is." said Halt this time, "But, I wouldn't shoot him there. In fact, I would shoot him in a place where he would be unable to talk so damn much."

A raised eyebrow, "And, where would that be?"

"It's obvious, isn't it?" said Crowley.

From the table they had been sitting by, Halt and Alyss raised their eyebrows.

"He'd shoot me in the tongue. Or somewhere in the mouth!" He said this cheerfully, as if talking about a warm, sunny day.

"Crowley... If you were shot in the mouth... You'd be dead."

"Nonsense!" said Crowley, "If said person, were to shoot me, for example, the tongue, it would hurt so much, that I would be unable to talk. For one, because there would obviously be an arrow in my tongue, so if I talked; which I wouldn't, then it would hurt too damn much."

Halt shook his head, "You're more of an idiot than I could've thought, Crowley." He muttered.

"What was that?"

A clear of the throat, "I said, you-"

"He said you're smarter than he thought, Crowley." Alyss intervened sharply.

A smile, "Ah, thank you Halt. It always does me good to know that I've still got it!" Crowley chuckled, sitting down next to them.

Halt glared at young woman next to him, but she only smiled, and put a finger to her lips.

After a moments pause:

"Where's the coffee?"

"Ah, yes." said Crowley. He stood up, "I'll check on it now."

"Good. You better not have burned it..."

"Burn it?" asked Crowley, confused, "How the hell could one burn coffee?"

Halt shrugged, "Ask Will."

"Ah." said Crowley, "All makes sense now."

"And, how could my husband possibly burn coffee?" asked Alyss.

"He's Will, Alyss. Where there's a will, there's a way. We have a Will, so there is obviously a way. He had the will to burn a perfect batch of coffee, and his way worked up to the point where I made him stay overnight in a tree."

"You made you own apprentice stay up in a tree?"

"It was because he was my apprentice, that I made him stay up in a tree."

"You are evil, Halt." said Alyss.

Halt smiled wolfishly, "Why thank you. It means I haven't lost my touch just yet."

"Oh, yes, because you're so old and decrepit these days, that you can't even control your own apprentices." said Crowley, holding three steaming mugs of coffee.

Halt glared at his old friend, and he glanced over to Alyss, who had pretended to yawn, covered her mouth to hide the amused smile. "I recall you and I being the same age, Crowley. If I am considered old, and decrepit these days, then so are you."

"Oh come now, Halt. We both know that I age the best between the two of us. You have more gray in your hair than I do."

Halt shook his head, "_You,_ have more grays, Crowley. Not me. Second, you never had apprentices. I aged overnight, when I had Gilan. I aged twice as much when I had Will. Their quite a handful."

"Oh come now, Halt. You're only jealous!"

"Jealous? Hardly. I'm only smug in the fact that I pull off 'old' better than you do."

"Nonsense!" Crowley exclaimed. He turned to Alyss. "Dear Alyss, who do you think looks older? Halt? Or me?"

Alyss shrugged, "I believe I'm not in this, Crowley. I'm a Courier. I make peace, not start a whole war." She smiled, "But, I do believe that Halt-"

She said no more, as a messenger came through the door, gasping for breath. The three stood, and Halt asked quickly, "What is it?"

"Ranger Halt, sir!" cried the messenger, "Ranger Will Treaty and the Oakleaf Knight have returned!"

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><p><strong>DUN DUN DUN! ]:) Cliff Hanger! ;) But, don't worry. The next chapter will hopefully be posted soon. Please, please, please tell me if there was any mistakes, or if I wrote all the characters IC. (In character.) ESPECIALLY HALT! He's so darn hard to write. Ugh. I hope I did not disappoint. Once again, I apologize for the delay. Thank you to all my faithful readers who have stuck this far with my story. I really appreciate it! <strong>**:D**

**Please R/R! Thank you so much! Love you all! **

**-SilkBourne**

**P.S. : Krystle123- Yes, Gilan did say that. :) Haha, sorry if that confused you. **


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